Time

They say time makes fools of us all, sooner or later.

The young it teases with possibly, the old it wears thin with memory.

But none have it as bad as Times flatmate Liam, for he must face daily the Trial of the Whoopie Cushion.

It is said to have no beginning, no end, stretching onward for eternity.

Liam says it lasts about ten seconds after he sits down for breakfast, and he’s asked for it to stop on seventeen occasions so far.

In Time, all things shall eventually pass. The birth and death of entire cosmos marking single grains of sand through the hourglass, between bulbs too grand for mortal minds to grasp.

Which is all very nice, says Liam, but he would really rather the whoopie cushion things time had already passed, or else Time might need a new place to live.

The joke is timeless.

Thus is the story of how Time was banished from Liam's home and life, rendering him the first of the immortals.